Monday, 23 September 2013

Worry, worry, then worry some more

I know it is completely normal to worry when you are a parent, to worry too much is common too. I think when is spills into your dreams then this is excessive worry.
What triggered it I think is this picture below



Stupid how a picture can cause you a sleepless night when it is mixed with other worries. 
Yesterday we took a trip to Chester Zoo, this is where I took the above picture of Big T, most of you will know he has special needs. In this picture I think he looks so grown up, he almost looks his age which is almost 12, his mental age is far behind those 12 years. His mental age is more around 6, I worry about him, I worry all of the time, especially what his future holds, will he be able to live independently or will he be able to live with the help of a carer or will his future be staying with us, staying with us till we leave the world but what then, what happens then? 
That is a worry that is constantly with me, my second worry was little T, he has been suffering with ear pain which we found out today is an infection in the ear to be treated with antibiotics, they keep reoccurring so maybe we will need to see the ear specialist.
My 3rd and final worry of yesterday was with little lady, she developed a rash late Saturday which looked like heat rash, Sunday morning it had almost gone but became more obvious when she got hot and sweaty whilst playing at the zoo. Today we took her to the Dr's, they have said it is eczema, I suffered all my life with it so I know how horrible having eczema can be and it is one thing that I didn't want to pass on but it seems I have, the only good part is at least I know how to ease it.
So with all that worry I headed off to bed, well little T's bed as he slept downstairs with Daddy2five so he could keep a close eye on him and I slept next to little lady so I could keep a close eye on her! About silly o'clock I was rudely awoken by a nightmare, a lion and a polar bear with what looked like crimped fur was on the loose and heading our way. Daddy2five and I lived in an apartment on a campus and in the block next to us lived Big T(dreams are silly).
When the news broke about the escaped lion and polar bear I headed over to sit with big T because I was scared he would open a window or a door to the lion(I know, far fetch right). I arrived at his apartment block to find that I didn't know where he lived, which door belonged to him, I ran up and down the halls screaming his name, knowing that soon the lion and polar bear would be there, just as fear was about to consume me I woke, I woke thinking what the hell was that!
So from my dream or nightmare should I say I can figure out what made me dream about what I did.

The campus - I am considering returning to college
Not knowing where Big T lives - my fear of where he will be living
The polar bear(with crimped fur) - I had said I wish I could see a polar bear and the crimped fur comes from an orang-utan that I saw at the zoo, he had impressive crimped looking fur.
The lion well I don't know what that represents other than the ones we saw yesterday were sleeping.

I hope to sleep well tonight!

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